Being married is such a joy. Most of the time. There are some times when your spouse feels more like a fly buzzing around your head than your best friend.
But with the ups and downs come hilarious moments. Like the ones in these Tweets, which I'm sure will get you breathing from your nose, whether you're married or not.
Not being distracted while driving is always a good rule of thumb. But sometimes, your spouse needs your attention, and it can't wait until the car is parked.
Blankets are important, after all.
Sure, I don't think most people are rubbing dryer sheets on their head for the static, but I can see where she's coming from. Anything that smells remotely good is probably good enough for your husband.
If you watch enough Property Brothers, you end up being able to tell which one's which. If you don't, then you end up at the losing end of the most important argument of your marriage.
I think it's funny how you can live with someone and see them every day, and still not notice right away when they get a haircut. At least the answer to that is technically always going to be yes.
I think it probably would've been classier to just go to the dollar store and buy new candles. But on the plus side, this guy's wife gets to practice her shocked face in case someone tries to take a picture.
Like with most other dads out there, the thermostat and the heat in the house is his domain. You can't just give all that heat away to the outdoors, after all!
You know it's true love when your spouse bookmarks the coupons for the places you like so they can give them to you later. That's someone who knows you better than anyone else.
To be honest, men's sweaters are always so much comfier than women's sweaters. So I don't blame any wife for stealing all her husbands sweaters.
Bonus points if you also happen to be the same or similar sizes. Good luck finding the clothes that belong to you ever again.
I'm sure all spouses tell terrible jokes to one another. But it only gets worse (or better?) if you end up having kids. Husband jokes become dad jokes.
Ah, the constant cycle of asking your spouse to move something, only for them to never do it. Sometimes you just have to accept when something that should've been put away is now part of your decor.
If you tell your spouse where you're going while they're watching TV, they will forget.
If you tell your spouse where you're going while they're fully paying attention to you, they will forget.
And it's piping hot. Nice of this mother-in-law to wait until her son was out of the room before she started embarrassing him.
Kids are great. You know, unless they're disturbing the perfect harmony you have going on in your bathroom. You need to teach your kids the errors of their ways, and make sure they know which way the roll goes.
Is it cheating if a couple works on a single Wordle together? Or is it just practical?
Either way, it's probably better than one winning over the other.
Even if that question is just a cleverly disguised dad joke. I bet the guy was pretty proud of his kid (and the wife was annoyed with both of them).
No matter how much you love your spouse, it's never going to compare to how much your dog does. The quicker you accept that fact, the better your life is going to be.
You'd think it'd be nice and easy, but no. It's basically impossible for any couple, married or not, to assemble furniture without devolving into an argument. I blame the furniture for not coming pre-assembled.
Ah, the man cold. When a man gets a cold and is really dramatic about it. Will he die? No. But it might feel like it.
This is also how the conversation goes between parents and kids. No matter what, one person is always going to say they don't know, and the other is going to say "I can't make 'I don't know.'"
