10+ Hilarious Tweets From Women To Help You Forget That Guy (No, The Other One)

I don't know what I was thinking when I agreed to go to a baby shower for my second cousin's girlfriend or why I thought it would be "fun" to attend a slam poetry reading at 11 o'clock on Saturday night but I'm really pissed at past-me right now.

That girl has got to go.

If you have never found yourself stuck inside a sports bra without any feasible way of peeling that tight ish from your body, then you might not understand this.

But the rest of us know the struggle. We know what it's like to experience that brief moment where you think, "Well, this is my life now. I'll be wearing this thing at my funeral."

I'm out here putting the hour in shower.

I also never thought that one day I would actually catch myself rinsing out a Ziploc bag to reuse again later but here we are.

First kid up meant that you had an obligation to lay in your sleeping bag for an hour, blinking up at your friend's basement ceiling and thinking about the rest of your weekend plans before eventually wandering into the kitchen to tell Mrs. Quinn how school's going over a bowl of Cheerios.

I can vividly remember sitting on my bedroom floor with my discman in my lap while I cried about the boyfriend I'd never actually had. Music is powerful.

Every Pinterest post starts with the author's personal history as it relates to this particular lasagna recipe with a few side-stories thrown in about that "unforgettable" summer they spent in Sicily with their Nonna learning everything they could about pasta shells and cured meats.

After ten minutes you'll forget you were even reading a recipe and you'll be startled when they start talking about oven temperatures.

When in doubt, get that phone out. That's what the calculator app is for, guys.

Flashback to me in grade six spending the night before the school dance desperately learning how to "crank that" just so I could join my friends in throwing our skinny little arms around together.

Haven't done it since. What a waste.

I can admit I basically turn into one of those tightly-wound middle-aged Karens with the bobbed haircuts who snaps the second I get a notification that my package has been delayed at the processing center.

These are two very different Samanthas but I think we all know someone who fits perfectly into either category.

Another Samantha I'd like to throw into the ring here is my girl from Now and Then. You know, the science fiction author played by Demi Moore who showed up to her adult friend's house wearing a full suit? That's the kind of Samantha energy I'd like to exude, thank you very much.