15+ Boozy Memes To Show The Bartender At Last Call

I hear wine tasting professionals spit out the wine rather than swallow it because apparently you're only supposed to taste it, not get sloshed off it.

Well, those people are what I like to call "quitters."

They're the ones who are up bright and early on Saturday morning cooking breakfast and banging pots around while you're asleep in the bathroom hugging the base of the toilet.

It's just not fair.

I'm not ashamed to admit I've enjoyed my fair share of nachos at 3 a.m. while polishing off a bottle of wine.

I've also paired wine with mozzarella sticks, Cap'n Crunch, a Big Mac... The disgusting list goes on.

Look, all I'm saying is if Nic Cage could do it... I feel like we definitely have a shot.

Who's in?

This isn't the kind of song you sing while sober, though. So if we really want to have a good ol' fashioned sing-along, someone better bring some vodka with them.

Rubbing alcohol you rub, drinking alcohol you drink... Honestly, I'm on board, and I don't think we should shame Chris for cracking the code on this one.

This is also how I feel when I go to family dinners and my aunt pours me a modest glass of her most expensive bottle that I definitely remember drinking out of a red solo cup with my cousins last weekend.

I mean, I'm not necessarily saying I'm a mixologist or anything. But I've certainly never heard any complaints about my double-wine cocktails.

Also, when I've got just a lil buzz, I, too, appear this confident in myself.

And just like when you're a kid, if you have too many your head will hurt... it just happens the next morning instead.

I don't think I've ever actually met someone for just "one drink." Do people really do this? Do they really say they'll only have one, and then... only have one??

This is also how I look at myself in the bathroom mirror at a party when I need to give myself a little pep talk so I can chug the King's Cup drink when I get back out there again.

Ask anyone over the age of 22 and they will tell you that drinking in the comfort of your own home is infinitely better than going out to some bar somewhere and spending twice the money for half the alcohol.

Vodka means feeling like a bag of trash in the morning but still being able to say you had a good night and made minimal mistakes.

Tequila means waking up with one shoe on, finding kung-pow chicken in your bra, and realizing you took someone else's purse.

Not to sound like an alcoholic or something, but I'm of the belief you can always be drunker. Of course there's a limit, and drink responsibly, etc. etc.

But, you know, reach for the stars.

This past New Years, I was literally getting ready to tap out at 4 a.m., having sufficiently rung in the new year and realized I needed a comfy bed ASAP.

But that's when the wonderful party host broke out the Jell-O shots. And suddenly, I was back in the game.

Tomorrow you can expect to see lots of Advil, Gatorade, and cold pizza.

And by around 6 p.m, we'll be right back into the alcohol.

You can expect me to arrive at any party with a drink in my hand, a smile on my face, and a second drink in my other hand.

I don't think we should shame drunk-me for whatever she did last night. I don't know her, I do not associate with her, so I shouldn't be held accountable for her many, many mistakes.

You gotta take those up with her.

What a world that would be, am I right? Being able to drink your weight in wine and not having to worry about that one guy in college, the Econ major who said he'd call but never did even though I was pretty sure we both had a good time, Trevor.