13+ Tweets For People Who Need A Really Good Laugh Today

We're always working on ways to make this easier or that faster, so why hasn't anyone come up with a way to make sure I have a bangin' bod with ever having to step foot inside a gym?

I'm waiting.

I know I bought all those groceries, and I know at one point I was convinced they were excellent choices that I was definitely going to want to eat.

But that was then and this is now, and I'm really not in the mood for any of that. So what else you got?

That's why you should always order a vodka-cran to help that bitter, bashful little juice live its best life possible.

2020 has already been the longest decade in human existence. I have absolutely zero interest in even entertaining the thought of it somehow being even longer.

Look, I'm as big of a Corey and Topanga fan as the next person. But why the heck did that brilliant girl turn down Yale for a guy who once kissed another guy just to see if he was really in love with Topanga?

Why?

I'm a little wary of touching this one so I think I'm just going to leave it here to simmer for a bit and just see what happens.

A few years later Mr. Soup's neighbor, Albert Stew, decided to steal his idea but with one teeny, tiny change.

Soup, but make it chunky.

I never really saw myself as an "office" person before all this started but you can bet I'd give anything now to be back inside a room for 8 hours a day with real people.

Do y'all remember real people?

I also enjoy those bags of free potato chips they keep by the grocery carts sometimes. Say what you will about these places but they definitely know how to keep customers coming back.

I can't remember the last time I walked inside a Target and didn't come out with an entirely new living room.

This time, we're going for "farmhouse chic". It's going to be great.

I know it rains sometimes but you're telling me you'd rather sit on my wall and watch me eat popcorn off my shirt than explore the great outdoors?

You guys have issues.

I've heard rumors but I never thought it was true. Well, welcome to the other side where you're the same shape always.

Oh, and that's also usually the room that has the worst internet connection and that can hear the toilet flush at 3 in the morning.

Constellations are cool and all but don't go trying to convince me that if you connect the dots up you'll see Hercules. All I see are stars and I'm not even sure I'm looking at the right ones to begin with.

If you walk into an adult man's room and he's got this nonsense on his bed, do yourself a favor and walk yourself right back out of there because I promise he's not worth it.

Honestly, if you ever wanna have a really good laugh, just read the suggested serving sizes on all your favorite snacks.

You're telling me you think I should only eat sixteen Pringles? I don't think so. I eat as many as I can grab before my hand gets stuck in the can.

And if I drink one bottle of water today, I can eat this entire family-sized chicken dinner without feeling bad about it.

Dieting is easy, I'm not sure what you're all complaining about all the time.

Like, on the one hand we're super glad we're not part of all that nonsense and we can just watch it unfold from the safety of our own homes.

But on the other hand, all those poor tigers!

I admire those princesses and their ability to put up with all their woodland friends grabbing at them while they're trying to just get dressed in the morning.

But the second a bird ever tries to touch my hair, we're going to have a serious problem.

Also, I don't hate you. I just get really unhappy whenever you walk into the same room as me, and when someone says your name I really have to hold myself back from a long eye-roll.