I'm just gonna kick this off by letting you know that this carpenter is so valid.
Scott Sidler runs @thecraftsmanblog, an Instagram account that is part appreciation for historical homes and buildings, and part roast account. His target? Badly designed window shutters.
That's it. And it is absolutely hilarious.
It's a company that restores original wood and steel windows, and builds original windows and doors. So when I say that roasting window shutters is his niche, it's not an exaggeration.
You can tell, because not only does he post about them, he deliberately circles the bad ones. There's something so petty about circling something we all know is already bad. What a king.
"3 windows, 3 chances to do shutters correctly, 3 fails," he wrote on his Instagram.
He did the shutter commentary, so I'm here to roast the choice to have brick butt up against yellow siding. Ew.
"You know better than this @hgtv! One shutter on each window for the finished project on a whole house remodel? We’re counting on you guys to show us the right things to do!" Scott said on Instagram.
That's fair, tbh.
Because, my god, the dripping paint is so bad. As Scott pointed out, it looks like mascara running down a crying person's face. I can't unsee that, Scott.
This roast is BRUTAL.
"When you’re on the fence about what size shutters to use I suggest using the “straddle method.” It’s the best way to let us know you’re aware of the problem but still too lazy to do something about it," Scott said.
First of all, the awning is hilarious. Second of all, they forgot the second set of shutters on the lower window, I guess?
"Ok Cleatus, now try to close the shutters and see how well that works!" Scott wrote.
The fact that this house has shutters around the garage...that's some next-level designing. I don't know why this was done, but it is so damn funny.
Why would you do this to a house? At that point, just don't put shutters on at all! Just leave them off! Do a wider window trim! I can't stop yelling!
I simply must know the purpose of those shutters. I guess they're decorative. Or they would be, if they'd been installed properly. Bless.
"For those wondering, shutters and awnings should be compatible so that shutters could close if wished.
It’s besides the point that these shutters don’t even come close to fitting the windows and they are positioned incorrectly," he said.
The sad little shutter just hanging out on its own in some attempt to be fashionable is so funny. It's just...it's my soul. I don't know why.
"Clearly the bottom sash is much more valuable than the top sash on these windows. It deserves the extra protection that 1/4” thick vinyl provides!"Scott said of this design. Yikes!
"I think it’s fun when people highlight special small details on their home. I don’t know that I have ever considered a dryer vent worthy of something so grand as [its] own trim and shutters, but hey... you do you!" Scott said in this Instagram post.
Like, does someone look at the garage and go, "You know what this needs? A little bit of flair."
This shutter makes me want to cry from laughter. Like...someone really built that beautiful house and thought, "You know what this needs? A big-ass shutter."
Scott calls it the "Mega-Shutter."
"The 'Skinny Girl' brand just released their new line of shutters and Bethenny Frankel is donating 100 pairs of shutters to homeowners in need. Visit her page to get your pair today!"Scott said of these odd shutters.
Ahhh, “garage sideburns.” These might be bad enough for me to break quarantine just to pull these down in the night so I can sleep better!"
"Why use 8 shutters for 4 windows when you can use 3? So much efficiency going on here it hurts!"
I will now keep an eye out for shutter fails wherever I go.
Shutter fail, Coronavirus edition: "Public Service Announcement: Social distancing need not apply to your shutter placement," Scott wrote.
Sick burn, Scott.
"Don’t forget to shut those 2nd story shutters for maximum protection!" Scott wrote in the caption for this photo.
What a beautifully efficient roast of those tiny monstrosities. Imagine reaching to close those in a storm? The whole neighborhood would be laughing at you.
"Being from Florida I love a good pair of flip-flops, but they should never be an architectural detail!" He said.
Scott, I have to beg to differ. This is exactly the kind of architectural detail I would expect from a house in Florida.
