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Mom Receives Itemized Invoice After Daughter's Visit To Grandma's House

Lex Gabrielle 16 Oct 2020

Sometimes in our lives, we go through situations that we just don't know how to handle.

Whether it's with family, friends, or our significant other, we aren't 100% sure what our next step should be. So we seek outside advice from others on how we should handle the awkward, uncomfortable, and even confusing situations that come our way.

The best advice you can get is from someone who doesn't know you because they don't have a stake in your life.

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I always say the best advice you can get in any situation is from a complete stranger. They don't know you and have no investment in your life, so they'll always be objective.

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Recently, one woman had a complicated situation with her young daughter and own mother.

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The woman had sent her daughter to spend some time with her own mother, her daughter's grandmother. She even sent her daughter with some money to help grandma cover the expenses of the trip.

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Apparently, however, the money she sent was not enough.

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The grandmother send her granddaughter home with an "invoice" for her daughter to pay.

Frustrated and unsure what to do in this situation, she wrote into "Ask Amy" of The Washington Post.

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Originally, the woman had sent her daughter with a $300 check to cover the expenses during her trip.

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"Upon my daughter’s return, my mother sent me an invoice for $475.50 for additional expenses, including the cost of gas to and from the airport to transport her (45 minutes away), train tickets to go to the city to a museum and the cost of the museum admission. It was an itemized bill," she said.

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The woman said she was extremely hurt over her mother's actions.

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"This is hurtful, as this past winter my mother came to live with us for four months and we paid for everything, including a nice vacation to an island over Christmas. (Neither of my siblings has a relationship with my mother because she is petty and doesn’t respect boundaries — like a $300 budget)," she added.

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The woman asked Amy how to approach her mother about this behavior.

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"How do I address her behavior? I am hurt and angry by her decision to charge me for gas to pick up her granddaughter from the airport, as well as the other expenses," the mom said.

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She went on to explain that has had money issues with her mother before.

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"My mother is a single woman (a retired college professor), and we have never asked her to pay for anything. We even write her a check for groceries when she hosts Thanksgiving dinner," she said.

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Ultimately, this situation has been very difficult for this woman and her relationship with her mother.

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"Now I feel she has taken advantage of my generosity, and I don’t trust her to spend time with my daughter because it is just too costly for me (financially and emotionally)," she said.

She even signed her letter to Amy as "Burned by Grandma."

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Amy responded to 'Burned by Grandma' with some solid and reasonable advice, looking objectively at the situation.

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Amy's first piece of advice? This woman needed to have a straightforward and honest discussion with her mother about money.

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Amy pointed out that this weekend likely ended up costing the family about $1,000.

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"You are going to have to express your concern directly to your mother. Your daughter’s trip to see Grammy has cost you (I’m estimating) around $1,000, with plane tickets, plus the invoiced expenses incurred while she was there," she started.

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Amy asked some important questions to consider.

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"Is your mother financially insecure? Is she worried about maintaining her own lifestyle in retirement? These are legitimate concerns," Amy said.

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However, Amy said the family also needs to ask themselves why the expenses went way over budget.

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"But is there a legitimate reason she couldn’t stay within the reasonable $300 budget, spending over twice that amount? Is this itemized bill her passive-aggressive way of telling you that she doesn’t actually want to host your daughter for such a long visit?" she asked.

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Overall, Amy said she would have to think over whether or not the relationship between her daughter and her mother was financially doable.

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"After you communicate your questions and concerns to your mother, you will have to make the tough decision about future visits," Amy said.

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Amy concluded by saying that it sounds like this grandmother 'monetizes relationships.'

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"Because your mother seems to communicate through monetizing relationships, you’ll simply have to decide whether this relationship between grandmother and granddaughter is one you can afford to foster," Amy concluded.

What would you do if this was your mother? Would you cut the relationship off?

h/t: The Washington Post

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