Being pregnant is no picnic in the park. It's hard on your body, potentially damaging to your career, and above all else — it's uncomfortable. But women aren't supposed to talk about this. Not unless they want to subject themselves to persecution and chastisement.
But one mother who goes by the Reddit username Ambivalent_Mom12 is tired of all the disillusionment surrounding pregnancy. She says that she has no interest in staying home with her kids and is now being mom-shamed for it.
When the time came for her and her husband to discuss having children, she said "I was ambivalent about having children to begin with but I was open to the idea as long as I didn’t have to give up my career or most of my lifestyle."
After many back and forth conversations, Ambivalent_Mom12 and her husband came to the decision that he would be the one to step back — when and if the time came.
"Don’t get me wrong, I love my son and will love the new baby too but I really have no interest in staying home with my children," she explained.
Ambivalent_Mom12 goes on to say how she and her husband moved cross-country for work at the start of the pandemic. As a result, neither of them was able to see any of her husband's family and friends during the first pregnancy.
Most of the women at the gathering had children of their own. There were, however, some who did not, including a young woman named Amy. "Then Amy (no kids) started commenting about how wonderful it is to be a mom and be pregnant," Ambivalent_Mom12 said.
Sensing her reluctance, Amy turned to ask if Ambivalent_Mom12 disagreed with the point that she was trying to make.
"And while I am happy to have another baby I am not really looking forward to taking time off and being stuck at home." It was then that Ambivalent_Mom12 began to notice the sideways glances and perplexed looks being shot in her direction.
"Some of the other women started to say that I must have PPD bc[sic] I “don’t love” my children and that I should take some time off and get into therapy because I “won’t be any good to my children if I am depressed.”
She also said that getting back into her regular work routine would be good not only for her but for the baby as well. "These women were horrified and Amy started crying because she has struggled with infertility and there is no justice since "people like me" get to have 2[sic] kids while she has none."
Ambivalent_Mom12 tried to explain that she meant no offense and that all she was trying to do was speak openly and honestly about motherhood.
Her husband's parents are apparently mortified that Ambivalent_Mom12 plans to return to work just a few weeks after giving birth. They also feel as if she's trying to trap her husband by forcing him to do the bulk of the baby work.
To top it all off, her in-laws wholeheartedly believe that she has postpartum depression and that she was completely in the wrong for voicing her opinion during the friendly gathering.
One person wrote "Loving your children and loving being pregnant are two different things!! Don't listen to them, they are not in your marriage. Do what works for YOUR family." While another user joked that if she could have gestated her children in a tank — she gladly would have.
It's time to break the spell regarding the saintliness of motherhood and pregnancy. Just because you hate being pregnant in no way translates to you hating your children.
